...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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