Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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