I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can Purell be used as lube?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
