he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We're too hungover to prance.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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