Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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