This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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