I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
