I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
