Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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