every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
