In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
