this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
