Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
