I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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