just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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