Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize