I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Even my vagina gasped.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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