at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
