please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
