Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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