woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
