It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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