well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.