watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure