dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
