Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...