I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.