I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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