wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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