so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I had to cum in my sink.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
