I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
