just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
