I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
