I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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