Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
