I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
