Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
