Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
