I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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