we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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