I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
