I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
