If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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