New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
