It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
