my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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