chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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