Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
