I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
