I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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