I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
