Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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