You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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