finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
