ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
