She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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