We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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