It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
