Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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