So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
