I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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