Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
