mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize