i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
