which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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