the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
