oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
