I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
