my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
