Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
