I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
