You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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